The Day I Drove Half Asleep

I am a workaholic and my commitment towards my job and career is unapologetic. However, as much as I am ambitious and career-minded, I don’t want my job to be the cause of my sorrow, outrage, and death.

A few times now I’ve driven home from work half asleep. My brain has been very tired. And being mentally tired has never been great as it affects everything else in life. It especially impairs my judgment and my people skill. But it is amazing how I think and feel like I have no choice but to ride it out.

I can’t seem to put a finger on anything or anyone that’s putting me under a lot of pressure. I cannot be jobless and I need a job that’s not too mentally demanding. But it is unfair to put 100% blame on the job and what it is required of me. I am after all a writer and a writer never stops thinking.

However, I thank God that I have not had an accident or near accident due to my sleep-deprived driving. That’s not how I want to die. And before I die, I want to see my mom.

On a separate note, I used to have deep conversations with my friend Geetha when we used to work in the same company. I miss those days where apart from focusing on work, I was very active in intense discussions, music, and poetry. I miss being able to do a lot of things and doing fairly well in all. I was even working on a graphic novel with my friend Sharon and had the time to read at least one book a month. Not forgetting cooking. I had the time to cook!

But things have changed today. A lot. Sometimes I can’t help but feel upset about it. About how exhausted I am from work. And I sometimes feel like I don’t have a life. People [Gen X] would say that that’s just how the millennials are like. How they deal with life – one complaint after another. That whining is what we’re best at. Because apparently, we’re the worst generation in the history of humankind.

We are being portrayed as dysfunctional, hedonistic, narcissistic and that many of us are entitled to well-paying jobs and things with class without having to work for them [this is true, I’ve witnessed some].

Regardless of the generation, I think we all have our own battles to fight. And unfortunately, most of the millennials are deeply in debt with poor job prospects in a society with [sorry to say – not] non-functioning politics and a bloodthirsty financial class.

In today’s world, things are not so great for a lot of people. Regardless of how smart you are, talented and how badly you want to improve yourself, according to Lily Tomlin, the road to success is always under construction. But these are the struggles that build our character and allow us to appreciate little victories that come along the way.

Most of the people I know and surround myself with are hard-working, career-minded, intelligent, and creative while I’m known for being a workaholic and the unapologetic commitment I have towards my job and career.

Today I feel like I need to slow down. Mainly because I feel like I am burning out, I’m losing myself and my identity. And this also brings me back to my sleep deprivation. I have not been getting an adequate amount of sleep [due to work] and my ability to function [and work, especially] is affected.

What do I do?

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