If The Father Of My Children Stays

My relationship with my dad is very complicated. It’s different from what my sisters have with him. There is so much to say but I don’t know where to start. I’d like to just remember a few interesting conversations and great times we had. When I was a little girl though, I was very close to him.

I’m not a parent yet but I have four younger sisters. They are all very dear to me. I’d kill for them. I almost did when I was 20. Most of my peers are married with kids and more are moving towards that stage of life.

There is this term very commonly used here in Malaysia – “Kurang Ajar”. It is used to describe rebellious and ill-mannered kids and youth [even adults]. I think the term is a bit too strong and hurtful. It would also, unfortunately, reflect poorly on those who uses it – especially parents.

Children, I noticed, learn more from watching their parents than from listening to them. They observe their parents and one is lucky if they pick up one’s positive values and qualities. This really puts great weight on how we conduct our lives. Some may have to change 360 degrees!

If I ever get married, have kids and if the father of my children stays, I, of course, want to hear them say good, positive things about him. Things that I never really get to say about my dad.

I’d at least like to hear my kids – when they’re older and begin to understand the world better – say “he was a good friend, he was always good to mom, he was wise and he had our best in mind.”

And I certainly don’t want people to describe them as “kurang ajar” if they say bad things about their dad.


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