The English Weather

I was having dinner with my friend last night at this Malay seafood restaurant less than 10 minutes drive from my house and her workplace. It was a pretty good dinner, we talked about a few interesting topics, and we saw a badminton match! We were there for a good two hours, just catching up.

We sat pretty far from the TV, so we couldn’t really see things clearly but the ambiance was so lively and everyone cheered when our badminton player Datuk Lee Chong Wei won the match. I must say, sports really brings people and the whole nation together.

The whole time we were there, I was entranced by this really adorable sight I see in front of me. An old couple, in their early 60s maybe, sitting so close next to each other, having dinner. They were probably on a date and were both so into the match as well.

I couldn’t help but observe their every move, every glance they gave to each other, every smile and everything they say to each other that I can catch. The cutest sight was when he shook her shoulder during the second set of the match where everyone almost loses hope on our badminton player. Mrs Wife just put her hand on Mr Husband’s lap. She probably said ‘calm down, he will be fine’.

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I don’t see this very often in my life. Perhaps in movies, but not in real life. And unfortunately for me, a lot of things took a tragic turn in my life that shaped my mind differently on the three vital things in our lives as human beings – love, sex, and marriage.

But seeing this last night did bring little tears to my eyes.

LOVE. SEX. MARRIAGE.

These are God’s most complicated gifts to mankind – at least for me. They are there. They always are. Always were. Always will be. And none can remain unaffected by them. And they are also in some such way something we just never really talk about.

And we, out of curiosity, when we were young, get our information from all the wrong sources. Some, in a debauched form – like learning about sex from porn movies and believing that is how it should be.

What is love? How does true love or romantic love feel like? It is different from loving your family and friends but how different is it suppose to be?

Shakespeare said, “Love is blind and lovers cannot see.”

He got that right.

What is sex? Who created sex? Why is sex so important and why do we have this desire? Why do we crave for this intimacy? This touch that can be as dirty as the blood stain on the devil’s hand.

And what is marriage? Why do we give so much importance to this arrangement? Is this an ultimatum? Who ordained it?

Love is like a weather. We can’t force it, forget demand for it, or take it away from someone else. Like we can’t change the English weather or control our farts. It’s really an ecological and biological balance we have no control of.

Once I tried not to fart during an interview, the gas went back in and I can hear an explosion inside my stomach. And naturally, it came out as a burp. The most disgusting burp ever. It made me sick, I almost puked.

In the same manner, we can flirt with someone and seduce him later but what I found out from all my failed relationship is that in some such way, they are all a result of infatuation, resulting more to lust than romantic love. But of course that was not all there was. It takes a few other reasons for one relationship to fail.

Although I do believe I loved my first boyfriend very much. I like our date nights, our evening drives, our walks at the park and the fact that he prefers KFC’s original recipe than the spicy ones. But the funny story is, I did not like him at all in the beginning. High school was a bitch. Before I met him in person, there were so many rumours about him that annoyed the hell out of me.

However, till today, I never fully understood what true love is, how romantic love is supposed to feel like and how am I supposed to know that I have it and even more so, how do I keep it and keep up with it. But love, they say, will make you do strange things. And that it is normal to lose control, lose yourself in the early stage.

But hey, it really means so many different things to different people. And it is so complicated that I realised lust and sex is a lot easier to comprehend and practice. And perhaps for one obvious reason – because it’s technical. But it is also a desire that some of us have no control of. After all, you can have sex with someone you are not in love with.

To feel the hands of another on our skin is a basic human need. And sex is a desire that is as normal as the desire for food, coffee and cigarettes. Be it men or women, we all have that sex instinct and wants. They may not be of the same lustiness of course. Many have said that the sexual urge is stronger and more aggressive in men than in women. But they do fudge together a powerful steam in us for at least until we’re in our 60s or so.

I remember my conversation with one of the guys I sort of dated. He said that men in their 20s can masturbate at least 6 times a day. I don’t know how true this is but I would take what he said as a fact judging from our physical reactions towards each other.

And in high school, words were going around that the guys must indulge in masturbation, else their penis will be of no use in the future like a broken car engine – for some reason. And that masturbation can help their sex life since that is how they learn what they like during sex. I guess that is true.

I guess it also really depends on your own self-pleasuring habits. Maybe you just need it to help you sleep better and you don’t have to wait until someone else is in the mood. To each their own. And you can do it solo. Unlike marriage.

Aristotle said, “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.” And this attachment must lead to marriage?

I do not mean to offend anyone who is married in this blog – yes, this is a disclaimer. I have nothing against it, but it is just something I don’t truly believe in. At least not just yet.

There is something within all of us that makes us long for the company, friendship, and admiration of the opposite sex and we want to be with that person for the rest of our lives. But I grew up in a certain environment watching certain incidences that shaped my heart and mind the way they are now. My opinion on marriage may offend the people I truly care about who are married.

I grew up understanding that a good teammate does not necessarily make a good partner. And I witnessed many sad events. This is as far as I can go on this topic for now.

But on a separate note, a friend told me that I should never give up on love. That we as human beings were built to fall in love. That we will always crave for a specific person.

I do know that I have a very strong desire for emotional union with another person. But as the Malay saying goes, ‘jodoh itu di tangan Tuhan’.

What will be, will be. It can’t be forced. As Kabir, the Indian poet put it: “The lane of love is narrow; there is room for only one.”

There may be ‘the one’ out there. Just maybe.

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