Women are often emotionally charged – in everything. And everything will be twice as intense as compared to what men are feeling – except for sexual fantasies that is. And this is all based on observation and my conversations with people. Although I do know a few women who thinks and feels more like men do.
To escape the real world and walk away from problems that we can’t handle just yet, we often daydream and fantasise about happy things. And it’s really interesting how our fantasy life affects our personal and professional goals – the way it somehow ameliorates our lives and influences our relationships with people. But it’s really different with kids.
According to my mom, my baby sister often indulges in her fantasy world compared to the rest of us. And somehow, observing this sort of made me think if her fantasies have a lot to do with her future goals and dreams.
She would put on my other sister’s high heels, my mom’s comfortable clothes and began ‘teaching’ her ‘students’ in the living room. Often my mom would just watch and smile to herself.
I asked her a few times what she wants to become when she grows up and every time she would say, “I want to become a teacher.”
Me: But why do you want to become a teacher?
Her: Because I like to tell people what to do and punish them if they don’t do what I say.
Me: But that is not what a teacher do.
Her: That is what they do in my school.
Me: So your teachers always tell you what to do?
Her: Yes. And if people don’t listen to them, they will scold them.
Me: Like how? What do they tell you to do?
Her: Our homework. If we don’t finish them, they will scold and punish us.
For a 9-year-old, this is pretty innocent, really. Kids do not really understand the concept but it also shows that somehow they have a certain reaction that can be worrisome.
But in her case, it’s not the fear that influences her thinking. It’s power. She feels powerful and this is the fantasy that she concocts from it. A fantasy that became her favorite which she can switch on any time of the day. Her daydreams and fantasies are important as part of the way she would relate to and understand life. Her imaginary dialogues and profound conversations in her head will of course change over time. Perhaps after she hits puberty.
After thinking about it for a while now, I believe that daydreaming and being able to live in our fantasy world once in a while plays a crucial role in our lives. In a way, I think it helps us lead our lives. Sort of like a guideline and a motivation.
I sometimes daydream too. When I was younger, when reality was not very harsh on me. But of course, I keep them to myself. We do not need to tell each other our daydreams, we keep them secret as we worry that people would underestimate the importance of our fantasy. And after all, they may not worth anything to others. And we do not need anyone’s approval.
Today, however, my daydreams and fantasies – whenever I happen to have them – are more about achieving professional goals and perhaps finding that true love I have been searching for.
15 years ago all I wanted was to have a job in a magazine or newspaper company. I wanted to become a journalist and a newspaper columnist. Well, that never happened. I had a few odd jobs before I became a writer.
I was a waitress, I was a charcoal product promoter, I used to work at a shop that produces and sells pirated softwares, CDs, and DVDs and I was a machine operator at Western Digital for a while too. The one I liked/enjoyed the least was the waitress job. And working 12 hours a day/night in a factory totally messed up my biological clock. I respect those who can do it. But these odd jobs played a crucial part in my life as well. In terms of growth – personally and professionally.
That one particular vivid fantasy of writing a long-ass interesting article for a magazine and covering a journalism breakthrough for a top newspaper company when I was 15 eventually led me to where I am today. In a different industry but almost close to my field of interest. Fantasy is all illusion but mine is rooted in reality.
We can only hope for something. But if we work hard enough for it, if it is something that we really want, nothing is impossible. I truly believe in this pep talk.
If my baby sister really wants to become a teacher when she grows up, I pray that her dream comes true.