The Husband

Most men genuinely believe that they are a perfect husband to their wife. Or the king of some sort. Unfortunately, the husbands that I’ve been observing over the years including my next of kin are the complete opposite.

Most of the irresponsible pieces of shit often think they are superior and try in any way possible to make their wives feel inferior. And to me, this is a classic case of low self-esteem. It’s also a classic domestic abuse which so many men get away with. You don’t see the scar on the skin, but they are eating them slowly from inside.

The traditionalistic school of thought believe that husbands have authority over their wives. It is a highly ingrained belief. Today, I personally do not think so. It’s a practice that should stay in the past. I find it downright ridiculous to ask for a husband’s permission to pay your family a visit or shave your armpit. Even if he forbids it in the most gentle way, it does not make any sense. It’s just domineering.

In my opinion, it only makes sense to ask for permission to buy a new car knowing maybe the husband will have to pay for the monthly instalment. But if you are forking out your own money to pay for it, by all means, go ahead and there is no need to ask for permission. It’s fine to discuss before making the decision, however, and if there is a budget, stick to it.

But if you got a job offer and you want to work, and you happen to have a husband who constantly makes a condescending remark or acts as though he is the smartest person in the universe, fucking grab the opportunity by the balls before you both (and your kids) starve to death. We all know that some men have a very bad track record when it comes to monetary and family management. Not trying to be sexist here; just stating a fact.

You see, marriage is founded on the principle of mutuality. It’s a partnership, not a private fiefdom for dominant husbands. I do however understand that men need to feel respected by their wives. Especially around their friends and extended family. They need their ego stroked.

Newsflash dickheads, the keyword here is RESPECT. And women need to feel respected and loved by their husbands too. Not to boss them around, humiliate them and mute them. There is only to a certain extent that a wife can give in and show admiration. And while they can still and want to do so, a good husband should know not to cross the line.

While I disagree with how other religion views this matter, I would like to share a quote. Believe me, I don’t want to use a quote from the Bible as a reference because it will look like I’m biased but it’s so good, I can’t resist.

Proverbs 31:23-26

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

You see there will never be gender or marriage equality. But I do believe a change can be made if men (and women) just leave the old practice in the past. After all, behind every great man is a great woman. And in Proverbs 31, it’s stated that the support of the wife has helped to elevate her husband. He didn’t go up there by himself.

We have all heard jokes about “who wears the pants in the family.” Yet leadership in the home is no laughing matter. And one of the primary roles of a husband which I believe is to lead. That leadership simply means influence. A husband should not dictate or demands total obedience to his every wish and command.

But have I seen this leadership though? No, unfortunately, I haven’t. I’ve only seen pathetic submission and marriages on the verge of failing.


Freshies Gettin’ Munchies

Many fresh graduates today finds it difficult to get a job – whether it is a dream job or even one that pays the bills. Some weigh in money against working experience.

And although this is due to the bad economy status and the need to survive, this is not the kind of attitude employers are pleased with.

But for those who really need a job, they have no choice but to start from the bottom – or say, the gutter itself.

Career fairs are organised in order to provide an opportunity for graduates to meet with corporate leaders and human resource representatives of participating companies. At the same time, it is also a platform for the companies to scout for potential talents from universities in Malaysia (or anywhere around the world).

Are these employers really hungry for fresh graduate talent?

When they walk into the booths, take part in the walk-in interviews and career talks, are they really being scouted for their talents?

While they engage with employers to better understand what they’re looking for in jobseekers, are the employers really there for their fresh ideas or just looking forward to hiring anyone with decent skills who is willing to put up with hours, on-call, weekends, crazy deadlines, ridiculous requests and work for a very low salary?

Here is a joke – “go to the best school”, they say. “An Ivy League would be best.”

But the reality is, companies are least interested in the brand or the image of the university you graduated from. In fact, most companies would hire students with the right attitude – not the right degree.

As a fresh graduate, you only get one shot at the best. A lot of high-potential and talented graduates are only in the market for a very short time. Sometimes, the chances of recruiting them are very small, in fact. Without a headhunter, it is really tough to get access to them again. This is because they know better.

But really, why do employers prefers fresh graduates?


For the company, it benefits them mainly financially. Freshies do what they’re told. They don’t refuse to any task given.

Training is easier than re-training and they can easily take a blank slate and make the fresh graduate a specialist without having to pay for all the other skills and knowledge that doesn’t apply to their needs.

After all, the only thing that matters is PROFIT.

PS: This is not a negative post. It’s just the reality of what many went through.

Uncertainty, My Psychological Allergy

In life, if we have not gone far, we have very limited perspectives. I know this for a fact and I know this drives us towards the fear of uncertainty. But if we’re willing to view life as the guru, even in the midst of uncertainty, a beautiful journey begins.

It’s a lie if I tell people I have all the confidence in the world to brave just about anything. I have my fears, I have my doubts, I have my insecurities. And here’s a tiny bit about me – the last decade, I’ve purposefully designed my external life for security. I left home, graduated with a teaching degree and having the cushy job I might as well just call a career, at least.

I have that, while everybody else around me has quite a high-paying job, some have additional streams of income to insulate the extra-super-comfy-security, some already have a decent home for a future family, and yes – most of them have a solid marriage.

Yup, I’m 29 and single. And I’m not proud of my flings.

Anyways, what I have is not as amazing as many. But, I am deeply grateful for everything. And on most days, I find pride that my goals and plans had at least created a surrounding of comforts – or so – for me.

So, something genius Robert Frost wrote – “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less travelled by, and that has made all the difference.”

I doubt anyone in school that time actually know what Mr Frost mean there.

I’m a very stubborn person. I’m driven by my dream and my goals and in certain areas, I’m a risk taker.

Parents have their fears, their worries and their concerns here and there – basically in almost anything related to their children. But the stubborn person that I was born as, I have always known that the path less travelled is often the wisest path to take.

While most people in society take the typical paths in life, I do the opposite. About 80% of the time. 20% of my parents’ opinions always get to me. I’m guilty of falling into the parent trap. But really, parents are right – at least half the time.

So, based on my unconscious observation, I noticed that not many people stop to think about the paths they take. And I’m disappointed that thinking outside of the box is dead and gone.

I mean, sure, the unknown is scary. It signifies weakness, it sure is not secure and more than gazillion miles away from safe.

As a rule, humans prefer certainty to uncertainty. Turning right instead of left, to lead instead of following a path so alien to you is one hell of a scary attempt. Or so they say. And that’s why people prefer to live a miserable and boring life.

People who fear uncertainty generally have rather a number of neurotic tendencies. When thinking of a neurotic person, I personally see a mentally perturbed person. Ofter very fainthearted and ridiculously obsessive. In short, paranoid scaredy cat. And really, there are many of those in my life, I just rather not acknowledge them as – no offence – it’s quite sickening to know how ‘dead’ they are in life.

The Gen X – at least a big chunk of them – have very limited experience in certain life areas. With that, there is limited perspective. Undoubtedly, they would jump to conclusions and make assumptions. And also generalise how life is or should be. And this, of course, would make them become scared of the uncertain aftereffect if they or their children, the Gen Y, take action in the opposite direction.

And that is what Asian parents tend to do to their children – scare them with the assumptions they have. They would simply envision what it would look like if their worst nightmare happened. And guess what, this leads to depression, or maybe just anxiety.

Yes, uncertainty fuels up anxiety. But to be in such condition set by people who would have the biggest and mostly positive influence in your life even when you’re old enough to raise your own children does the same too. You don’t need a doctor or a psychologist to tell you that.

Us human has the unbelievable ability to worry too much about the future. To be honest, I know that uncertainty feels like death and it can cripple our efforts to do anything. Nobody will ever be comfortable with uncertainty. We know the future exists, but we don’t know what’s going to happen in it.

Not knowing what to do, what’s going to happen, what the people around you are thinking and feeling, breeds anxiety – even in an 8-months-old baby.

The only way to truly experience life’s richness is to surrender to the unknown. I’m a firm believer of that. It is a process. But living with uncertainty can keep you on the edge. You will constantly grow and develop yourself as you encounter new experiences that you’re unfamiliar with.

Planning is important, of course. But really, nobody is ever always able to get through all the intricacies of planning. Eventually, they will get emotionally drained. Trust me, I know. And a bombardment of non-stop thoughts rarely gets us anywhere.

The future is unpredictable but one should never surrender to fear. Uncertainty is often full of surprises. We shouldn’t fight uncertainty. It is something we cannot escape from. Life is constantly shifting and changing. It’s not a threat, it’s life. And we don’t get to cherry-pick the parts of our path we want to experience.

I’m writing a new chapter. The future is inviting me to its many surprises. Go far and don’t limit your perspectives. Fear is just another psychological allergy.

Time and the Ambitious Project

No, I’m not talking about my music and poems.

I’ve experienced the convulsion of dealing with my unspoken love for someone and a few doomed love stories but I’ve never experienced a dark adventure of a thrilling ride into the world of terrorism nor fighting for my life in a tsunami attack.

I’ve lost friends (and cut contact with them) due to the different path of lives we all chose to take but I’ve never experienced losing and witnessing the loss of my loved ones to tragic death.

I often go through extreme sadness that would lead me to shut myself from the world for a period of time but I never suffered from multiple personality disorder that will take me over that leads to hurting someone I never meant to.

One’s life to some other people may look interesting and stocked with a riot of laughter. But the truth for some of us is that the life that we live can be eye-grabbing and terrifying at times.

We don’t know what the people around us go through. No surprise that we may not even know what’s going on in the life of someone who is close to us.

When I look at the people around me and get to know them better, I find each and every one of them very interesting. For some, I sympathise, and for the rest, I draw my inspirations from them – mainly for my poems.

Sometimes when I want things to change for the better, I’d hope to get a call from someone who’d help me sort things out. Like telling me what to do, step by step till I achieve something. This rather sounds like a mental delusion, though.

And sometimes when I feel like my life is falling apart and I want to start over, I’d imagine myself living in the era of civilisation that dates back to maybe 2600 BC. No idea why but it somehow calms me down.

Sometimes I’d hope so badly that this is just a movie I’m in based on a novel for some good reasons. And I’m just brought on board to replace someone else who was supposed to be essaying this prominent role of mine.

To many, good things are being delayed for all sorts of reasons. And of course, after having to go through one hurdle after another, we’d all hope that happiness will eventually see the light of day sometime soon.

Whoever that is directing this movie I’m in, we truly have a lot of creative differences.

But life was never meant to be easy for some people. In fact, some of us are meant to deal with the constant worrying nexus between what’s wrong and what’s right in life every now and then.

And people often tell me that God will only give the toughest test to His toughest soldier.

If it was up to me, this movie will come with a template that boasts flamboyant colours – because as important as ‘sadness’, ‘annoyed’ and ‘anger’ is to us as human beings, ‘happy’ needs to come for a visit quite often.

Finding happiness is everyone’s ambitious project. Feel-good quotient in movies is either contrived or excessive. In reality, one need to strike the right note. And to do this, it is very important to surround ourselves with positive people who carry with them positive vibes and who cares about you.

Some of us don’t have much time to live. One’s vivacity and positive outlook in life are very important. To the readers, a person who doesn’t care about you is not as a matter of course a bad person. It’s just that they are not attached to you like you are to them and that’s something we cannot force.

Investing in your time is investing in your life. Do not invest in those who does not care enough about you to invest in you. A person who cares about you will take time for you and he/she will not make you feel bad for taking up said time.

A Wish Your Butt Makes

Farting and burping – I’m no stranger to that. Of course, I try not to do it in public places or at banquets, but I never had to really hold my gas in when I’m with my family and close friends. In a day, I probably produce gas with the equivalent energy of an atomic bomb.

And yes, I’m polite enough to say EXCUSE ME all the time. It is organic. Like passing gas.


Anyways, I mean passing gas is au naturel, and as human beings, we are all definitely aware of the existence of our butthole and its multifarious functions. And really, farting is one of life’s simple pleasures.

If one is not embarrassed to admit that he/she is okay with another person sticking something in it (anal sex), why hesitate to relax the muscle at the lower end of the rump and allow gas from your gut to just escape?

Let it go. Such bodily function really is a specimen of human perfection. And in my opinion, farts are also vital to the success of any relationship. It truly impacts intimacy. The frontage must crack eventually.

A few weeks ago I had dinner with my three best friends and husbands and a baby. We later went to their hotel room to chill for a bit more. Between discussions and jokes, a husband farted so very loudly that nobody can avoid acknowledging its solid roar! Everyone cracked into a lawless laughter. And it happened twice within half an hour!

Now that’s intimacy. And that’s the beauty of our close-to-a-decade relationship. We are comfortable enough to loosen our corset of civility and just be ourselves. We embrace every flaw, every idiosyncrasy, every irritating habit including every fart (and burp).

Already some of us have problems like lactose intolerance, food taking longer to pass through the intestines, bad metabolism and what not, why torture yourself restricting the locomotion of your breadbasket?

Like wearing corsets and body shapers. Those really bothers me. I detest the idea of wearing them.

Reason being, they increase the pressure on your breadbasket and make it more difficult for the gas to pass along normally which then result in sayyy… bloating (duh) and constipation.

Farting may be socially inconvenient, but it’s good to get rid of this gas. Abdominal pain is no joke. And repressing that monstrous gas of yours for hours can really cause hemorrhoids! A frequent visit to the bathroom due to diarrhea is bad enough, why summon hemorrhoids?

I’m just saying that farting (and burping) should be embraced. And farting (and burping) shows you’re comfortable. If you’re comfortable enough to fart (and burp) in front of a friend, there is truly nothing you can’t do in front of him/her. Farts show you have nothing to hide.

Think about it, in China, you can actually get a job as a professional fart-smeller! And that’s the beauty of farts! They prove that anything is possible. After all, according to health experts, passing gas frequently is actually a sign of good health.

All our lives, we are restricted from farting whenever we like. But really, just let that butt make a wish!

Don’t do it in public places when you’re surrounded by people but do not hold it in. Be kind to your system and find a perfect place to do so.

Whoever is reading this, even if you held the gas in all day, it will escape in your sleep. TRUST ME. You probably farted in your sleep last night – I’m just saying!

PS: Guys, you know girls fart. If you fart, so do girls. A study has proven that when guys and girls eat the exact same food, girls tends to have even more concentrated gas than guys. So, our butt makes more wishes than you. The end.